Why were marriages created? … Somewhere between the primitive man and our great-great-grandfather, marriages were created to protect women and children. Why??? I don’t know! How can it possibly protect them? It may have been created to give families a structure, and to ensure fidelity in relationships. Norms and rules were put into place to create harmony. The same marriage is now the main cause for disharmony. Have we changed? Has the institution become too old for us? Do we really need protection? Or do we get trapped in the name of security and protection??? If marriages were meant to protect and give security, why is everyone hoping to get out of it?
We give way too much importance to the social validation of marriage. A signed contract; a registered commitment, and after that a sanctioned or registered separation called divorce. Why does divorce have to be on paper? Isn’t an emotional divorce bad enough? Why do we wait to be divorced in court? If you really see, most of us are divorced. How many husbands and wives are only living an arrangement? Living a lie? Then aren’t those legally divorced better off?
Why don’t marriages last forever? Were they meant to last forever? Was the magic and bonding supposed to last forever? How do we know what God wants us to do and what God’s will is? Maybe his focus is to teach us our lessons…these experiences teach us virtues like love, acceptance, compatibility, trust, giving and more giving. But we fail to see what he is teaching us. Every relationship has a life span like the relationship between a parent and an infant. Once the infant grows up, the dynamics change and when it becomes an adult, it changes again. That’s how marriages are; that’s its nature. Firstly, they are created by us. Secondly, they exist for a purpose. That’s it. After which it's over. Most people say that it lasts for the survival of the species. But maybe it’s there to teach us aloneness. Maybe to teach us that we came alone and we will go alone. Maybe two people create disharmony over long periods of time. Nothing is forever. Only plastic is forever.
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Traditional Hindu marriage was strictly based on absolute trust, mutual affection, capacity to adjust and sharing the responsibilities equally. At every stage of the wedding ceremony when the incantations (Mantras) from the Vedas were uttered, prayers were offered to ensure a smooth life. The duties were demarcated and freedom given to both. The union being sacred, the vow did not give room for separation.
The character of the bridegroom was first assessed and his qualifications were taken into consideration. Both husband and wife should be loyal to each other and contrary to the mistaken belief that the wife was not treated on par with her husband she had full charge of the household while he was to assist her in maintaining the family. Wealth accumulated by him should be used for the family insisting that it should not be frittered away.
The process of marriage commenced when the parents felt that their son was mature enough to shoulder responsibility. Unlike the prevailing custom now, in olden times the eligible boy's father used to go in search of a girl from a noble family and seek her parent's approval.
A verse refers to the expectations regarding the factors governing compatibility: the bride yearning for a spouse with charm; her mother, a wealthy boy; the father, a boy of character and high educational qualifications and the relatives, about the family tradition. For the bridegroom, she must be a companion, an adviser and one who enthuses him in all his tasks.
Sri A.Sivaramakrishna Sastrigal in a discourse explained the significance of the mantras recited during the marriage ceremony. The solemn assurance of upholding the spirit of unity was made before the Lord of Fire (Agni) serving as witness. The ``Paanigrahanam'' was an important step.
The significance of taking seven steps was that the couple should never give scope for differences of opinion and should an occasion arise, both should respect the sentiments of the other, thereby ensuring that no confrontation takes place.
As one who was in charge of the household, she should stand like a rock. Whether a fine image is carved out of it or rain pours on it or made to bear heat, the stone is impervious. Another statement records that the father of the bride felt extremely happy and relieved that the interests of his daughter have been entrusted to a capable person. From then on, he concentrated on his personal work. The sanctity attached to the marriage has been clearly brought out in the Ramayana by the manner in which the Divine couple conducted themselves, both in prosperity and in adversity.
Marriages are made in Heaven
"Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: finding the right person and being the right person" quote. Do we really know the actual definition of a successful marriage? If not than lets look for it and see what conclusion we can draw. We often say that someone somewhere is made for you and the day you come across that person you feel that that he or she is the one you have been waiting for. But later we see that due to lack of understanding and mental compatibility they move apart. So how can we say that they were the perfect match since they didn't gave any effort to understand each other. So it's important you know your partner. There are people who get physically attracted and fall for each other and eventually end up getting married. But later on when they see their wavelength not matching they easily get separated without a second thought. In today's generation we see these incidents more compare to earlier generation. And this is more due to the changing social scenario. With so many things to divert your attention you really don't know what to do.
Marriage is not just coming together of two individuals. There is much more to it. To sustain a marriage it is important that there is effort from both sides than only a marriage can carry on. A successful marriage is like a good recipe whose main ingredients are love, commitment, understanding, concern and togetherness. If you can include these aspects in your married life you can find happiness in your marriage. Andre Maurois once aptly said, "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." Which is so true. When we talk about mental compatibility between husband and wife we have seen that not only incase of arrange marriage this problem exist where both of them were unknown to each other before marriage but even after many years of courtship in love marriages this problem exist because when we meet before marriage we are at our best to impress the other person. And we start accepting each other the way we like to see each other. But gradually after marriage when we slip into our natural self that time we have to accept each other as we are. And in most of the cases the real self is not what we wanted to see and then begins the contradiction with the person whom we have loved and with whom I have to spend my life. So it's important that when you love a person love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be. Than only you can be happy.
A happy married life calls for constant commitment and concern for each other. There are few small and minute aspects, which we tend to forget in our married life, as we get busy with the daily chores. So at times it is important to indulge in those minute details of a married life, which will constantly remind each other of the love and concern being present. We can conclude by the quote of Barnett Brickner, which says it, all that "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."
An evolved soul may reach cross road where doing right to the soul Self (or true knowledge) may effectively be doing wrong to the belief system of physical world. Then doing right to soul Self will accumulate bad karma as it may hurt other souls in the physical world.
On the other hand doing right to the physical world which is doing wrong to the true knowledge will hurt the soul Self which also will accumulate bad Karma.
In this situation not doing anything and remaining passive and understanding is the best and highest Karma.
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